05/10/2007: "Where's the Beef?"
I was able to read quite a bit on the first part of my run yesterday. Since I didn't have a book with me, I got a few different newspapers and read through them entirely. Now, I'm not one to usually read a newspaper. Its not a daily ritual to want to read all the crappy and generic news in multiple newspapers, but it was more of a "I have nothing else to do" thing. Anyways, I read some pretty funny and out-there stories, some of which were so funny I wanted to remember to post about them, so I cut them out and stuffed them in my notebook to remind me to write about them 
1) "Science Fiction Sneaks Up"
Make your own spatula or Spongebob key ring, the article says. This is the promise of a 30-D printer that may be seen gracing kitchen and family rooms in the next few years. They are like normal printers, but instead of using ink, they layer, in one case, nylon powder. With layers of the powder melted into place by a halogen bulb, they build 3-D objects.
2) "A Sweet So Sour: Kool-Aid Dills"
This sort of grossed me out a bit -- people eating dill pickles which have been sitting around in Kool-Aid. I can't imagine wanting to eat something that tastes of pickle and Fruit Punch, but apparently kids and adults alike in Mississippi like it.
3) A letter from one of those "Dear Abby" sort of columns.
A girl asked if she could get pregnant if her "breasts are underdeveloped"? Her boyfriend said no, but she just had to know for sure. I mean honestly! WTFmate? How fucking dumb (and how OLD) is this girl for real?
4) Prom Babies
Another "Dear Abby" sort of letter, explaining why -- gasp! -- girls want to get pregnant on Prom night (whether or not they tell the guy they're having sex with) to have a baby to escape from going to college. Wow thats entirely fucked up, and I don't think they should be procreating if that is the case kthanx.
5) "My Generation" sung by...Who?
A group of 40 British seniors (average age 78) called The Zimmers scored a YouTube hit, gleefully singing The Who's My Generation in a video that has been viewed by 1.5 million people so far since April 2nd. In it they smash guitars, re-create The Beatles' walk across Abbey Road, and hold up various signs, one of which said "I'm bored in old people's homes."
"We wanted to do something really epic to show that old people still got it." "We thought, 'Whats the most incongruous thing you could do with a bunch of old people? Well, lets try and break into the pop charts.'"
HILARIOUS! The singer is also 90 years old Search youtube for it, its adorable!
6) Where's the Beef?
Someone or some people in Chesterton, IN (about an hour away from where I live) stole about $200,000 worth of meat in two trucks which also are estimated to be worth about $60,000 together.
lawls!
7) Thieves targeting air conditioners
Someone or some people are stealing air conditioner coils from around Chicago. The latest were stolen from a church, and the replacement fees are going to be around $25,000. Why the FUCK would someone be stealing these? Do they have some funny scientific experiment that they can't fund, or what?
8) Student held in killing after video game dispute
He killed one and wounded two others with a gun, after fighting over a Sony Platstation. Honestly, should we even be surprised anymore?
9) Library line lets callers check out erotica
This isn't so strange, save for a little detail. In Vienna -- the City Hall has launched a "sex hot line" to raise money for the capital's main public library. Callers pay 53 cents a minute to listen to an actress read breathless passages from erotica dating to the Victorian Era. Hehe! Sexy librarians, indeed.
